Deep Thoughts June

June 10, 2001

Yesterday I woke up the same person as I always am. I was groggy and headed straight for the kitchen to turn the kettle on for tea. I checked my email while I was awaiting the pot to boil, I yelled at the dogs for being too loud, I shuffled my daughter into her room to pick out her clothes for the day. I read the paper. I listened to Casey tell me about what would be happening today at the barn and what time she would need to be there. I rattled off a list of things we needed to accomplish before we left the house. I avoided a phone call. I went back to my email to answer some letters. I yelled at the dogs again, for being too loud.

Before too long, I was heavy into the morning, running around getting ready to go about my day and at one o'clock, we left the house on route to the barn, to drop Casey, who would spend the rest of the day with her horses.

At last, alone with the whole day ahead of me, I began to think of what to do with my time. I stopped at the gas station for gas. I stopped at the horse supply center for the last of the supplies we needed for the horses. I stopped at a department store to find something new to wear this weekend for Casey's first Academy Horse show. I stopped at McDonalds for food that I didn't need to eat.

Gosh, I was tired. So I decided to go home to clean the house. (The LAST thing I wanted to do on a Saturday!) It needed to be done though, and so I was on my way.

I came home to find the flashing red light on the phone which I ignored because I had too much work to do to talk to anyone. "....Only tela-marketers anyway."

The work got done. The day went by. At five o'clock I left to go pick up Casey from the farm. We lingered there for a time, playing with our horses, feeding them snacks and snuggling with the other animals in the barn.

We returned home and I faced the blinking light. Strange. At two thirty, my mother called...she never calls. I called her and when she answered her voice was quivering. (that never happens). Two minutes later I had the news that one of my relatives had killed himself earlier that morning. Bob Edwards was his name. He was my second cousin, my mother's first cousin. She was shaken and rightfully so because Jean and Bob had been wonderful relatives to our family.

Not many people know that I had my daughter as a single mother. Not many know that I hid my pregnancy for the entire nine months. Not many know that when she was born, I gave her up for adoption. Not many know that three weeks later, after her birth, at the point of death, I received her back. Not many know that when my child was Baptized, over 100 people attended because of our "special circumstances". Not many know that Jean and Bob Edwards drove three hours just to be there for this occasion. Not many know that I wasn't even close to them when they did this. They came, because according to them, "It was the right thing to do."

I know and I will never forget.

What I DO remember was that they came to the Baptism and cried with me. They were virtually strangers to me, yet they held me and cried the most happy tears of my life. They rejoiced with me, they spent time with me and they welcomed my child into the world and for this I am eternally grateful.

Bob Edwards was a country man. His wife is a country woman. Though they never had much in the way of monetary gains, they had and will continue to have something that all of us should strive for. Pride. Understanding. Love. They came because it was "the right thing to do". They supported me, a person they hardly knew, on the basis of my family tree. That's what love is about and THAT is what makes me so sad about Bob's passing. I know he knows now what that meant to me but other than my thank you note...Gosh I wish I would have said MORE!

For several years, though they are not wealthy people, they have opened their home to visiting strangers. One of these strangers was a visiting exchange student from Australia. I remember giggling about this when I first heard, wondering what an Aussie would think about being in a "country" home with "country folk". I was truly amazed when I heard that he not only LOVED being there, he'd requested to come back for more!

I am told they were going to hold the funeral if our Aussie was able to attend....and that they would hold it as LONG as necessary for him to arrive in the states.

I pause here to ask...can you imagine this? Your husband kills himself...you are in shock and just starting to grieve....and still you stop and think about others and along those lines are willing to postpone your grief until someone can come to be with you?

Please forgive me if I use this as a forum briefly. This weekend I attended a saddle bred horse show. (My daughter shows them yet we are NOT the privileged...I scrimp and save and we make due because we adore animals and this is Casey's love). While I was seated at the show, near the end, the announcer mentioned that there would be a party for the exhibitors that evening). The people seated to the right of me said, "oh my GAWD...let's all black out our teeth and go to the party". ~Any other time, I would laugh that comment off. But for some reason, given what has happened in my family in the past and knowing the integrity of the south...I didn't take it lightly. As any southerner would do, I said nothing, but the comment cut me to the quick (a southernism, sorry). Maybe we don't keep your customs,. but we are a people OF integrity!

Ours is a family of integrity and though Bob didn't leave a letter, I know that he acted with love when he decided it was time to leave. He has been used to taking care of his wife, Jean, who in later years had become blind. Bob had bone cancer and was in remission when he fell into pneumonia for a time and was released from the hospital just last week. Upon his return, he fell and broke 4 ribs and they think he attributed this break to the cancer. Unfortunately, it wasn't the cancer at all...it was just feeble bones and the fall he endured.

I leave this here for you all to read because I love you and because I know the regular Trinity Peeps are curious. Mostly I leave it here to remind those of us who are prone to make fun of others...to STOP IT. While Bob and Jean have never felt threatened or embarrassed by who they are or where they come from, I'm sure there are others out there who do!

Next time you get a case of the "funnies" why not tell a story on yourself? (We ALL have them) and laugh along WITH people instead of AT them?

Remember that age old saying which I paraphrase here:

Remember people...you have no idea who you are entertaining....angels may be entertaining YOU and if they are? What will they report back to God?

My love to each of you and thank you for letting me pay tribute to someone special!

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