|
December 1, 2003 How many of us have lost touch with people we were once "best friends" with, only to see an announcement in the paper saying his/her father or mother has died? Perhaps we've not kept contact for years and we see this announcement and we wonder, should we go to the funeral home OR not? Would it be a help or would it just be awkward? My once, best friend, Diane, has lost her father. I didn't know whether or not to go, yet I do CARE...I haven't see her in years, so I will send a letter... At the present moment my Aunt Alex (I'm her namesake) is a dying patient in a hospital nearby. She is 74 years old. She isn't the likely dying candidate. No one can really say exactly what her disease is. There is speculation that she may have stomach cancer or colon cancer. There are notes from the previous Doctors saying they suspect these and other things, yet they feel she isn't strong enough to endure the tests to find out.. All the family knows at this point, is that she IS dying. It may be hours, it may be days. Three years ago her husband of over fifty years announced he'd been having an affair for the past 25 years and he was leaving. Until THEN...Aunt Alex was functional. Afterward, her health started to take a turn... Go figure. She stopped wanting to live. Though the family has tried to keep her and she's lasted for three years...she's ready to go. Her will to live just isn't there any more. All we know at this point is that Aunt Alex; (who is mother to six and grandmother to many) is dying. I believe her heart is broken. She has not been able to endure all of this for these years....and WHO could? It's so strange the things you remember at times like these. I remember something clearly...many months ago I was walking out of a Doctor's appointment in tears and I ran into her in the parking lot. SHE was going in to talk to HER Doctor, yet when she saw me in the parking lot, she hugged me, and through my sobbing she told me to "Forget everything. Let's go to lunch". I cried and cried. I remember she was dressed in powder blue top and powder blue pants. I wanted to go with her with all of my heart, but I didn't because of work. I keep thinking of this right now...while she is dying. I should have gone. I truly wish I had. THAT was so typical. Aunt Alex loved going to lunch. It was her answer to everything. She had things to tell me and I knew it. Yet that day....I had to return to work. It reminds me of that age old story about when you are on your death bed you will not exclaim, "Gee, I WISH I'd spent MORE time at work!" It's certainly true. For many years I've hated my Aunt Alex from time to time, because any time my mother (her sister) and she would get in a fight (which was normal), I would feel protective. But for these last days when I've gotten the opportunity to just sit with her and brush her hair....I want her to know things that I've never said to her in person. I want her to know I'm sorry for all of those times. I want her to know she has always cracked me up with her humor. I want her to know I totally am in AWE of the fact that she had six kids who ALL became success stories. I want her to know that I LOVE her and that I am SO SORRY I didn't have lunch with her that day or the days before when she asked. I want her to KNOW...her life MEANT something. I want her to know, she WAS hilarious and I will never ever forget her. I want her to know I'm truly sorry for the sadness she's endured in this life time. I want her to know that there is glory awaiting her on the other side. I feel like I could have given her a reason to live. When your hubby of over fifty years tells you he's been having an affair for the past twenty five years and eventually he moves out...what do you think? How do you go on unless you have an iron clad support system? I didn't give her enough of my time. Tonight she is still alive yet I cannot be there with her. I wish I could be. There are those in the family who are FAR closer to her who want to be there and those who cannot be. I have no rights. I only know I love this woman and I am SO SO sorry I wasn't there. Very shortly, the angels will be escorting her. This is a comfort. The other night she woke up and asked if others had seen "the bright light" and when they told her no, she said she'd seen her parents, "and I didn't know the LORD would be there too!" She remarked about the incredibly bright light and then she slept. She is going beyond and in a way, it's nice when she says things like this...it helps to let her go. PLEASE make sure you don't wait to tell those you love that you love them. I guarantee someone who is reading this is about to lose someone....go tell them you love them and even MORE important...let them go in peace. Please pray for my Aunt Alex to have a wonderful transition and for my cousins who have been by her side for so long, and who have treated her so well.....Pray that all of their family differences can be put aside and even healed, so that Aunt Alex can move on in peace. Not a very uplifting "Deep Thoughts" this time, but thank you for listening! With Love, Alexis |
|
|